You know we only have one body, but a lot of redundancy. Redundancy means having a back-up. Our bodies have a lot of redundancies – two of almost everything. We have a pair of brain hemispheres. It’s how you use your brain that’s important; are you left-brained or right-brained? Dolphins really know how to use their brains; one hemisphere sleeps while the other hemisphere is awake. That way he is always alert to swim and get away from killer whales. I wish I were a dolphin – just think how accomplished I could be if I could stay awake 24 hours a day without insomnia.
We also have a pair of eyes and a pair of ears. Seeing and hearing only requires one, but seeing in three dimensions and listening in stereo requires a pair. If someone claps over here on this side of the room, we know the direction the sound is coming from, because the ear nearest the sound hears it the loudest. Put a patch over one of your eyes as you drive down the highway – that car is how far in front of you?
We only have one nose, but a pair of nares; only one mouth, but we speak out of both sides of it; and I even have a double chin, unlike the square jaw of this beautiful man.
Our bodies have a pair of lungs, a pair of kidneys, and a pair of breasts. A newborn boy is very happy to find out there are two of them, and worships them the rest of his life. Unfortunately, when a pair of twins are born, they each have only one. Pity the poor triplets and quadruplets; somebody has to go hungry.
There is only one belly button, but a pair of sex organs. Procreation must go on.
We have a pair of legs, and a pair of feet.
Let’s talk a little about the clothing we put on to cover all these pairs up. We put on a pair of shoes, and a pair of socks – a left one and a right one – that I understand. But a pair of pants? It’s only ONE article of clothing! A pair of trousers? A pair of shorts?
Boxers are plural. How about a jock strap? We refer to it in the singular, but it protects a pair of balls and exposes a pair . . . of cheeks!
.jpg)
Let’s digress and talk about jewelry. Most of the ladies wear a pair of earrings and so do some of the men, though they usually wear only one, but have to be careful to wear it on the correct side, which may not be the right side. There are nose rings, pierced tongues, nipple rings, and Prince Albert’s.
What is a Prince Albert? It is a ring through the underside of the penis. Some guys think that the added stimulation the ring will provide causes their equipment to be displayed more prominently; but they have got it all wrong. You see, Prince Albert lived in the prudish Victorian period. He was married to Queen Victoria. The style of clothing then dictated that he wear skin tight white pants, but being the prude he was, he was afraid that his genitalia might show. So he put a ring in it, pulled it back and tied it between his legs!
Today we are piercing and tattooing almost everything.
Well, back to clothing. When we go above the waist, we no longer wear pairs. Everything becomes singular. A shirt, although it has a pair of sleeves. A blouse – never blice! Wear a night shirt with three tennis balls sewn on the back to keep a snorer off his back. A bra is not a pair, but it contains a pair! We never wear a glass, but a pair of glasses, although we used to wear an eyepiece.
Can you distinguish your left from your right? Well it is tough. When you are behind a person, his right is on your right and his left is on your left. But when you face him, his left is on your right and his right is on your left. It is a bit odd. Now here is a lesson for you to learn to distinguish left and right. You just have to learn your Latin. O.D. is right eye and O.S. is left eye. They stand for oculi dexter and oculi sinister. Now the Latin word for right is dexter, from which we get dexterous and dexterity. If we are confused, everything is right or ambidextrous. Olde English uses the same word for right and correct, as in “You are right.” Therefore your right side is your correct side. You think I am kidding? Your left is BAD, and to prove it, the Latin word for left is sinister, and we all know that is where SIN comes from. Back when I was in school, and I know that seems like a long time ago to all you young studs, the second-grade teacher, who taught cursive, carried around a wooden ruler and hit your left hand if you tried to write with it. It was the WRONG hand, not the right hand. Only 10% of people are sinister – the left handed ones! You know, there are all kinds of Latin words for positions: ventral and rostral (top and bottom); anterior and posterior (front and back); distal and proximal (far and near). So are you a rostral or a ventral? The rostral is always on top – just remember being on top of the rostrum.
The electrical field of the cornea in the eye is positive and the retina is negative. How can you remember that? Memorize “It’s positive to look forward, and negative to look back.
Well if you weren’t confused about your body before, surely you are now.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment